I am turning 32 years old this February 2025. At this stage of my life, I am feeling very less of myself. I have been working the same job for the past 6 years with the same salary, and I feel I am not progressing in my life. I have a financial debit of $100,000 with a $30,000 annual income. Most of my debits come from my credit card.
How was my Childhood?
I was an average kid and not done anything major is my studies. Class 6th I repeated. I was so bad in my studies that my dad was very worried. But some how I was able to clear my schooling. I went to college my college was not so study oriented and mostly male in my college. I was able to finish 58% of overal marks. I was learning programing. I met one of my childhood friend who was in the website development business. I did internship under him. Although he did not paid me anything but I learned lot of this from him.
I was a vegetarian and never touched meat or eggs until the age of 23. He introduced me to KFC chicken popcorn, which I loved. From there, I started eating everything meat, fish, and eggs.
My 1st Job
My first job was through my childhood friend, GB. Since he was a friend of GB, he didn’t interview me and simply asked me to join the office the next day.
The next morning, as I was getting ready for my first day at work, my dad asked me how much I was getting paid. I told him INR 13K. He was like, “After spending so much on your education, you’re going to work for this much? Better stay home and find something better.”
But anyway, I went to my first job.
At my first job, I met John, my senior colleague. He was a bit of a bully at first, but later, we became good friends—at least from my side. I even lent him some money, thinking that since he was well-paid, paying me back wouldn’t be a problem.
But I was wrong.s wrong.
Negotiation issue
I have switched jobs, but my negotiation skills suck. One time, I asked for only a 3K raise, but later, I found out that their budget for that position was 50K.
In my current company, I’m always scared to ask for a raise because my boss keeps talking about how the company is at a loss.
Skills and confident
In my current company, most of my work is related to marketing. For the past six years, I have been primarily working on social and digital marketing. I have developed a few websites here and there, but the code I’ve written isn’t very solid—they are just basic websites.
I’m not sure if quitting and looking for something else would help me land a job in the software development industry. Only time will tell
Discovering Anxiety
I was never worried about anything—everything was good. I wasn’t even aware of anxiety or panic attacks. I was introduced to them by an extremely anxious family member. I tried to help her, but I didn’t realize that she would be the one to cause it in me.
I’ll explain this in a different blog, but for now, I feel so anxious that some days, I don’t feel like doing anything. I experience shortness of breath and a heavy chest.
Discovering Nicotine
I was so anxious and didn’t know how to deal with it, so I decided to try cigarettes. Smoking made me feel calm and focused, but I knew it wasn’t good for my lungs and carried risks like cancer.
After Googling and watching tons of YouTube videos, I discovered nicotine pouches. Now, I consume over 50mg of nicotine every day. I know it’s not good for me, but I can’t seem to stop. I’m trying to quit, but I’m finding it really difficult.
Debit of $100,000
Most of my debt comes from taking loans for my family, mainly for the house and shop. I wasn’t able to say no to them. Now, they are happy, but I’m the one paying it off.
Right now, it’s becoming very difficult to keep up, as the situation is getting worse due to interest and only making the minimum payments.
conclusion
Overall, I am in debt and falling behind on my skills. Those I have helped are now happy, but I am the one suffering. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me.
I believe in Jesus Christ, but my faith is growing weaker day by day. I procrastinate a lot, and I don’t know what to do. It feels like walking through a dark tunnel without seeing any light.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog.
